No title so far
by Reboo
Summary: ummmmmmmm, ramblings, I suppose


No title so far  
by: reboo  
  
A/N: Slight warning to anyone reading this, this is a first draft, I haven't even read over this since writing it, so it may really stink, and I just won't realize it till later. So on that note expect typos and general grammatical errors. So no complaints on that line.   
  
To put it quite plainly I wanted to ask if you knew what it fet like to be in the middle of a crowd, and feel nothing, to be so completely and utterly alone even though your fellow species was so very near that you could reach out a hand and touch them. I'm in that position now, but if I dropped off the face of the world would anyone mourn for me, one maybe two people. I hate these events so frilly and dressed up they constantly skirt around the main reason never truly getting down to the main topic. So annoying, these people, these humans. Some mornings I wake up with an utter dislike for the human race, and when I hear them, not their technology, not their music, but them, I cringe, and say ick. What I wouldn't give for a world where you could simply design who was there and who wasn't and then make them go away if you wanted to. That would be truly enjoyable, a make believe world where you were the master.   
  
That's what my dreams are a weaving of my imaginations, of my wants, and my needs, its world is formed simply to feed my desires. Nightmares are a different story they never listen to me, they are there to teach me something and to hope that I learn from it, and they are there to haunt me about what I have done. I ponder occasionally at these dreadful socializing meetings of politians whether the real world or the dream world is better. Dreams contain nightmares far worse than reality, but reality carries with it a significant weight that once sent in motion can not be returned to it's original weight. What a dreadful world. I wish things would change, or maybe I don't. I tried to destroy it once to teach our race that they needed to truly learn from their mistakes for once. Human kind never truly learns from their mistakes, or atleast they haven't while I've been alive, they continue to let things reoccur. It doesn't matter what it may be, genocide, racial prejudice. It's all allowed to continue in this feeble little world.   
  
I've judged, and been judged. Now mind you I suggest not judging anyone, because you can never truly know them, and judging people leads to your judging, and you will get your upcomings whether it be sooner or later. Take my advice do not stick anything on you that doesn't absolutely need to be there. I learned that lesson well, and must say I wish for no one to repeat it. As a collective unit our people will do what they would not have even dreamed of doing alone. Numbers are a scary thing in that sense. Get enough people to follow you and you've got a blindless mass. I had my own, and their numbers are dangerous because the ideas they put forward are so wrong it's not even funny. Most of the time you have to learn that the hard way though. Life is no pretty picture, it is a battlefield painted red in blood, and depending on what you do with your life the amount of blood on your life's work may be great or small. Now the blood doesn't simply symbolize the lives you've taken, because on a battlefield those deaths won't count as blood. Blood on your life's painting is a marking of all your trangsgressions. Personally on mine, there must be a lot, because I have done a lot I'm not proud of. Makes you think doesn't it.   
  
It simply makes you wonder how people can fall so mindlessly to these politians who will lie straight to their faces and they can't tell a difference. Our species is weak, too kind, too trusting in some respects. Now our entire world isn't a portrait of kindness, exactly the opposite, but the people who support their democracy don't take an active enough role in it, and let things so easily slip bye. They ignore their privleges which will do no future good for their children. People living in a democracy have been given a responsibility they should respect and honor. Most I feel don't. It's stunning to see how many people abuse their rights. I'd laugh, or maybe not really, if those same people got thrown into a dictatorship and placed in a killing field. They would have abused their rights for far too long, and it will have come back to nip them in the butts.   
  
Do you see now why I despise being around my fellow kind so much. Mind you I have my friends I cherish more than my own life, and my dear little sister, those people I wouldn't classify as people I would want to see go goodbye and simply erase from my world. It's the numbing, I don't care, gossiping people to self absorbed in their own life's to care about others, I would want to get rid of. They bog down society. Finding good, true people is hard to do. I'm lucky enough I've landed myself in the middle of them. Of course they're what landed me here, they got me to agree to taking over my best friend's position as guard tonight. It sucks. What can you expect its my birthday. For a long time I didn't care about mine, I had my goals and that was all I needed, but now my birthday marks for me how long I've held onto myself, and kept myself human, and concious, even if I don't show my emotions too well. There is one or two people who can read my face, my eyes and those are the most special the one's I try to keep around the most. Wouldn't you?   
  
I yawn as they dismiss this excrutiating social event for the politians. As I glance at my watch I notice it's over quite early really. Too early in fact. They never get over before eight, and that's just a fact. The people are too dull and self centered to actually let go of what lime light they can get. Still I take my leave, and head home. Suspiciously the lights are on in my kitchen. That's rather odd, because if I remember correctly, and I'm pretty sure I do, I had turned off the lights before leaving this afternoon. I open my front door slowly, it unlocked, never a good sign, especially for someone of my recognition. The door pops open with it's normal creak, and I flip on the lights.   
  
"Surprise," is yelled, and I take a good look around the room. All my friend's are here. That must of been why she'd gotten me to take her place at the social party this afternoon. A smile graces my lips, something my best friend complains doesn't happen often enough, as I truly realize what they've done. I should have known they wouldn't forget. Still smiling I join in the party, and am warmly greeted into the circle. Presents, and a cake full my table top as I look around at the wonders my friends have done. There's even streamers from the ceiling, and all my work is put away. That must have been a tough job, because I get alot of paper work, not something I enjoy but as part as the job needs to be done.   
  
Happy Birthday is sung, and I blow out the candles on my cake and make a wish.   
  
May all my friend's be as happy as possible, and realize how much I truly do appreciate them.   
  
A/N: Oh, and yes that last little sentence there I've been meaning to say it to my two favorite reviewers who let me badger them on occasion. You know who you are.   
  
5/14/02  
  



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